I grabbed a small bag with 2 sets of clothes and drove to Denver and parked my rental car, went to the Southwest counter and bought a 1-way ticket to Houston. I arrived at 9:30pm Friday night, and Dave and Greg (little and big brothers) picked me up at the airport and after a quick stop and McDonalds for a to-go meal (as I was RABID hungry) we went right to the home to see Mom.
I was actually stunned seeing her when I walked into her room. Three weeks ago when I left Houston she was still walking (albeit with a walker) and talking. This was no longer the case. I won't go into detail except to say that I think with her liver under attack and failing, her body was so full of toxins that her mind was already gone. She was breathing and that was about it. She had no reaction to voice or touch, other than a wet swab to the mouth (I think that is an involuntary reaction though). This was no longer the proud strong beautiful amazing woman I have known my entire life...cancer had taken all that from her. DAMN YOU CANCER, I HATE YOU LIKE NO OTHER!!
Even now I get tears in my eyes thinking about how ravaged she was by the cancer and how quickly near the end. It's SO not fair! She didn't deserve this (no one does)! She ate right, exercised, and was very devout Christian....1 year ago she would have wiped the floor wit the Energizer Bunny (seriously). At 83 years of age she made ME tired when I visited...she was still go go go! At 84 (her birthday this last March, and 1 year into her Stage 4 Ovarian Cancer diagnosis) she was still quite spry and pretty with it, except she just needed lots of naps. Three weeks ago her naps were much more, and her mind was definitely intermittently foggy...and she no longer had any interest in puzzles or crafts. She was just getting by. And as of this last weekend cancer had the final word.
She passed quietly Saturday morning June 2nd at 11:13am. We (Greg, David and I) were at her side. Her Oncologist had stopped her Chemo back in January after seeing her liver was now being attacked, and told to make her plans. Both of her Dr's had said that it's pretty well documented, and when the liver is compromised most people live four to six months. She made it 5 months after stopping Chemo, and about 14 months after her Stage 4 diagnosis. As a devout Christian she wasn't afraid to die, knowing she was going to be with God, and the rest of her siblings (only 1 of the 8 children are still living, her big sister Ruth).
Her passing was actually a blessing, as seeing her in this condition was heart-wrenching in the extreme! I really hope that somehow she could hear/sense that her boys were all with her at the end, but I can't say for sure...but I'd like to think that. She was a truly Amazing woman and the best mother anyone could have! She was more than a lioness with her cubs, I'd say she was like a mother Grizzly bear when one of hers was threatened. Her chosen profession was an RN...she went through nursing school in the mind `1950's, and did her final training at Chicago Cook Memorial hospital. As the head-nurse at the Hillbrook Nursing Home in Clancy Montana for almost 20 years, she was compassionate beyond measure. Those patients were HER mothers and fathers!
She had every good trait a person could have. She has lifelong friends all over the country including Canada, and I guarantee there are moist eyes on every one of them at the news of her passing. She was a TRULY good person. I can safely say that she will be dearly missed for the rest of our lives.
Rest now Mom, you have earned it. I pray you are watching over us and are now in peace and pain free, with your mother and father and brothers and sisters. Your job here on earth is done, you raised three pretty great kids (well, two anyway and also me).
I love you Mom and miss you dearly! You made me the person I am today, and I know my wife Jeannie thinks you did a pretty good job!
Goodbye Mom, I'll see you again one day.
Peace.
Mom and I down in Houston, March 2018
Matt, I know that there are no words that can ease the ache of losing your mother. But I do want to say that I firmly believe that she IS watching over you (and I am sure that she is rightfully pleased with all of her children); and as a Christian I say that she is the lucky one now to be with our Lord. And I do agree with you that it was a gift that her decline was rapid at the end. I often think that the person -- the soul -- lets go of the body before the body has fully wound down at the end.
ReplyDeleteSo it was with my dad on his last day. I think I saw the moment that he had released. After he passed I had so many incidents in the next few months when I knew that he was with me and that was very comforting. I hope that you can have comfort also. I pray for that for you.
Rae
Rae is right, there are no words that are adequate. I'm so sorry, Matt. You mother sounds like the best of humanity; a caring & strong nurse & mother. And she DID a great job with you & your brothers! :) She must have been so proud of all of you.
ReplyDeleteHow are you doing? The "numb" phase can last weeks if not months (at least it has for me). Please know we are all thinking about you. Take Care.
Hey Rae and Susie, thanks SO MUCH for your thoughts and kind words. It's still so hard to believe she is gone...(maybe that's normal?)...I keep thinking I can call and she will answer in her usual chipper "I did 98 things today and I'm just a bit tired, but I've still got 53 things more so I'll just keep going" voice. If not for the cancer I could easily have seen her at 100+ just hammering away at life...squeezing every bit she could from it. But she did have a great life...and at 84 that's not too shabby, even for today. I should hope to be so lucky! Anyway, I believe I will be in the 'numb' phase for quite some time...Mom is the first close relative to pass in my life (I have been VERY lucky)...so I really have nothing to relate it to. I lost all my grandparents long ago but that's not quite the same. Most of my friends have already lost parents, brothers, sisters, or worse, children. And it's quite natural...as the saying goes, "none of us will get out of this life alive". It's just a matter of time for all of us...we can only hope to be good people and live a good life while we are here. Beyond that it's all out of our hands.
ReplyDeleteWhen I attended my ex's (with whom I was friendly and spoke to often) funeral and later the get-together at his parent's, I kept thinking things like "I'll have to tell (Ex) that I saw xxx" or "(Ex) will get a kick out of hearing this" Then would realize after a minute or more that no, I would not be telling him these things. It was surreal, in a way, but I think common.
ReplyDeleteI hope that when I am 84 I will be as feisty as your mom! And thought of as a good example. You were blessed to have her.
Rae